Superman Returns review by The Grim Ringler

Before I begin, can I call buller, stuff on something? Fanboys. Seriously. I have seen SO much chatter about this movie that its sick, some of the stuff people are coming up with. Seriously, chillax, would ya, already? I mean, its rad that people are so passionate about something, and I can dig it, but damn. For instance, I suddenly came across posts about the supposed homosexual elements in the Superman comics and movies and I was like wha? If anything, Supes is A-sexual. The brother is too busy to be bumpin uglies, dont ya think? Good grief! I am a horror nerd but the day I start trying to decipher Jason or Pinheads sexuality, seriously, shoot my dumb ass.

Back to the boy in blue, I really enjoyed the first two films, to my shock and amazement. I cant say I am a huge Christopher Reeves fan and was never a big Super-nerd, but the first two films had such magic about them. Reeves was great, the direction was superb, and the drama felt real. Hell, I even liked Lois. Luthor was another issue, as he came off as a clown, but Hackman was ok, I think it was more the writing of the part than the portrayal. When I learned they were doing a new Superman film though I was nervous at best. Comic adaptations are hit and miss and I really didnt know if theyd hit or miss on this one, but the more I learned the more fired up I got and when I got to see it on opening night, it was nice to see my excitement wasnt wrong in the least.

Superman (Brandon Routh, who nails the part) has been gone for five years and the world has moved on. Even Lois. Needing to see if he could find any remains from his home world of Krypton, Superman has left the earth, and all he has done behind, hoping to find some manner of closure when it comes to his past. During his absence though Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey tearing it up) has found himself a patron and has become a free man again. When Superman finally returns, he finds a world that has adjusted to his absence. There are catastrophes still but the world has learned to deal with them in an era where Superman is no longer around. Feeling a bit lost, Superman begins to re-integrate himself back into life, starting with a return to the paper hed worked for, the Daily Planet. On his return though he finds that Lois has moved on and, now with a child and a new beau, isnt quite as doe-eyed over Supes any longer. There isnt much time to worry about that though as Luthor, newly freed, has hatched a plan that will make him rich beyond his imagination. He hopes that, with the help of some of Supermans amazing crystals (these were the data storage devices he was sent off with when he left Krypton), he can grow a new continent and thus sell its land. The unfortunate effect of this is that most of America will be sent into the ocean as the new world takes its place but, well, nothings perfect, eh? When Superman finds out about Luthors plan he knows that hes the only one that can stop him before its too late. Little does he know about the green kryptonite that Lex has found

I am going to stray from the whole oh my god this is the best comic movie ever nonsense and just say that this is a very good film. A perfect summer film. Its exciting, well acted, well directed, and the action is edge-of-your-seat stuff. The perfect Superman film? Not really, but then, honestly, this is a re-boot for a series that had to wash away the bitter after-taste of two dreadful sequels and re-introduce a character to the world. The big that really got me is that Routh nailed Superman perfectly, for me. He brings the boyish charm with the world-weary sadness of having to deal with the pressure of being the worlds boy scout. I admire that director Singer stepped up to the challenge of adapting this because its a monumental task. After years of dreadful videogames, weird comic book miscues, and just a general lack of interest from the masses, Superman had become pretty lost as a franchise. What we have here is an action filled, emotional film that re-starts things and sets the franchise in an interesting position. I also really loved that, for a change, Luthor has dangerous henchman. Too often we see henchmen that are bumbling idiots and make you wonder how on earth this supervillian so, well, super. Its nice to see that Luthor has finally found reliable workers. Seriously. Lois is, well, shes Lois. The actress and I am too lazy to look her up, sorry isnt bad at all, I just think shes a difficult character to nail. Shes smart and driven and intimidating, yet shes vulnerable and isolated. The best thing is that there are iconic moments where you BELIEVE that this is Superman. You believe in the man, and the myth.

The biggest problem is that, well, how on earth does it JUST SO HAPPEN that Supes and Lex are back in action at exactly the same time? I mean, theres a bit of cosmic convergence I suppose, that the Yin and Yang return at the same time, but its still a bit far-fetched. As is the scheme Lex has, as its SO dangerous and risky, it seems TOO ambitious. But I can forgive that. Its perfect for a comic movie. The twist, which I shall not mention, wasnt that much of a distraction, to be honest, so, haters step off. It is talky, but then, seriously, what people want nearly three hours of ALL action? Come on. Those movies have Fast and Furious in the title and those arent exactly faves amongst the dork set. There are moments that are not as strong as some of the film, but there is so much more that works that the stuff that doesnt seems petty.

I loved Superman Returns. I thought it was a well made, wonderful fun film. I like the first two quite a bit and this is on par with those. Better? Not necessarily, but neither is it worse. (And come on, you actually buy some of the Luthor stuff in the first one? Really?) I think if there are flaws it is with the franchise, and not the realization. But heck, I am sold on this one and cant wait to see where they take Supes in the future.

8 out of 10 Jackasses
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