Slashers review by The Grim Ringler

Slashers

Oh how I loathe Fangoria magazine. Loathe it I say. Loathe it as I loathe a pudding enema, which is vastly better than this wretched excuse for a film. I am doing a small, wee review because to think too much about this film makes me want to commit a hate crime against a mannequin. Damn this film!

Ok, in Japan they have a kooky game show (as they are wont to do) that has a few people go through an obstacle course/haunted house that is populated by three people that are out to kill them, portrayed as horror movie monster-type killers. So if you get through the course alive you get a heap of cash. Otherwise you die. Well, seems them kooky Japanese want to increase market share so they have an all American cast of nuts to go on the show (they could not be more Canadian. I mean, if these bastards were ever given the death penalty theyd be given a maple syrup injection), and mayhem ensues.

The film is a rip-off. Worse, its a rip-off of better movies Series 7 (an ok movie), and Battle Royale (a masterpiece that has yet to reach American shores), but I can take a rip-off, if its interesting. This is not. It is not funny, which it was meant to be. It was not well acted. And hell, even the moments where you think there will be T/A are ruined as if they are making some moral stand all of a sudden. And the hell of it is that you can feel that they thought they were being deep about the plot, the idea that we look down on real violence and death but watch shows where we want people to get hurt. But, umm, attention filmmakers,ITS BEEN DONE!!. Hell, look at Network, they were looking at issues like that. So what you are left with, pretensions stripped, are a bunch of hammy actors trying to out over-act one another as they are chopped up into bits by dreadful baddies that try too hard. The only good things are the pretty nifty special effects, and the STUNNING red head in the film. My god. But thats it. The Japanese stuff, in which the ape the Japanese style of game show, that was funny, but the rest is a poorly made wander through a boring haunted house. And the hell of it is that had they even tried, it woulda been passable. If nothing else it coulda been shocking and gross. Or just a straight up comic romp. But no, they tried to have a nouggaty center of morality, well, the center was rotten.

I cannot rant about this movie enough. And to make it worse, I saw someone had to gall, on IMDB, to recommend this. Good god no. No and no again. Damn my eyes for having witnessed this abomination. These surely are the end times friends because I have seen the devil and its name is Slashers. c


1 out of 10 Jackasses

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