Unbreakable review by Jackass Tom

Quite Breakable

Around Christmas time, I was perusing the used DVD section of Hollywood Videos for deals. Low and behold they had a ‘2 DVDS for $20’ bargain. I decided to branch out and purchase a few films I haven’t seen: Blow and Unbreakable. At least one of these films had to have some redeeming quality right? Well my Blow review is already posted, and my Unbreakable review doesn’t look much more favorable.

The movie starts off interestingly enough. David Dunn (Bruce Willis) is involved in a terrible train wreck. Everyone on the train dies, but he somehow walks away. On the train, there is even a great long take shot taken between two seats on the train showing a failed pickup by Bruce Willis. It has little to do with the rest of the movie. however.

Comic book fiend and nominee for the 2000 Worst Afro Award (aka the WAAs), Elijah Price (Samuel L. Jackson), begins to become interested in the life of David Dunn. Why? Because Price is a candy ass. A bleeder. A sissy. Strong winds could break his nose. Price seems to believe is there is a pansy out there like him, there must be someone else out there who is (all together now) ‘unbreakable’. All of a sudden the universe is back in the balance.

So what’s the point of this movie? Here comes the spoiler….

A COMIC BOOK!?!? A FRIGGIN COMIC BOOK!?!? Bruce Willis learns he is some sort of chosen hero and starts walking around to hopefully kick some ass. He also learns towards the end that out of nowhere, Elijah Price is a bad mutha himself. Apparently the guy looking for the hero was actually a villain himself; makes sense. NO WAIT THAT’S BULLS***.

The story was screwy and disjointed. It needs polishing. First of all, if you are going to make a comic book movie, let the hero do something. For the first 90 minutes he is just figuring out he is Mr. Phantasmo. Then the last 20 minutes he nabs a rapist and busts up Sam Jackson. If it’s a comic book, he has to do more busting up and spend less time asking, “Who am I really?” Also, get rid of that kid from Gladiator who looks like the kid from Sixth Sense only 9 months closer to puberty. I will never like a movie that features that kid.

A few name actors, camera tricks, and dark setting don’t make a film. They definitely didn’t make this one.

3 out of 10 Jackasses
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