Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter review by The Grim Ringler

Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter

There may yet come a day that old J.C. does rise right back on up to wreak havoc on the undead upon the land, and he may indeed buddy up with a Mexican wrestler, but sadly, that day is not today, so until then, we can revel in the absurdity of this fun little film. If but just to dream What If…

JCVH as I shall now call the film, in hipster fashion, is heart-warming period drama about the trials of the Son Of God as He works to rid the land of the scourge that are vampires. Sadly, this task is not an easy one and many of his flock fall to the dark path during his trials. There is one though that can help JC rid the land of the foul funkiness of the undead, and that is Santo, the legendary Mexican wrestler that has laid many a foe low. And so it is that these two legends of the ages join forces and turn their twinned furies towards those that walk beyond death.


JCVH is a farce, of course, and a very funny one at that. Shot on the cheap and obviously using friends and perhaps family, the film, while far from perfect, has an odd charm to it that is hard to resist. Because though I was not as taken with the film as my viewing companions were, I still cannot help but admire people that make films with as much energy as this one was made. Jesus is back on earth, though we never quite find out why, and when the local lesbians are suddenly the prey of an undead menace, he is asked by the area’s holy men to take action. And action he takes, kicking out the jams kung-fu style (so THAT’S what he did when he disappeared for all those years, that crafty craftsman!), but in so doing, loses his two closest friends who had called upon him in the first place. Jesus then has to lay low to get his plan together but is aided in his fight against the local vampires by a terribly attractive woman that seems to know more than she lets on. But when she too is turned into one of the undead Jesus has no choice but to plead retired wrestler Santo into helping him, which he does. And together, Jesus and Santo the masked wrestler prove to be a deadly foe to the vampires of the city, but is that enough to stop their menace?

The film is very, very low budget, and it shows, all over the place. The film, while shot well enough, is nothing pretty to look at. And the acting has its moments, but is generally pretty bland save for Santo and Jesus. My biggest problem though was that the film isn’t sure what it wants to do. It is obviously a comedy, but the gags are hit and miss, and it’s almost like they never even bothered to think out who the vamps were, why they were, and why Jesus didn’t know about them sooner. It just, it felt like the makers had a neat idea for a movie but they didn’t know what to do with the idea. Which is sad because I had seen their other film (a short called Harry Knuckles which also featured Santo) and it was pretty engaging. But I still think this is a film worth seeing if you can, because it is so odd, and seems to have been so much fun for those involved that it really is hard to knock it too badly. I certainly would not recommend buying it unless you have already seen it and liked it, but if you can rent it I think it’s definitely the kind of movie you watch with your friends and get a laugh out of. Jesus is a sort of fun loving fish out of water and Santo is exactly what you would imagine him to be – a tough guy Mexican wrestler with a heart of gold. The vampires on the other hand are pretty unimpressive. It basically seems like the local Frowners Anonymous chapter got together and are out going door to door, but heck, they used their friends, what can ya do?

The disc looks and sounds as good as it’s going to, considering the source material they are working from, but in the end it never really detracts from the film. The extras on the disc are fun but nothing groundbreaking – commentary, some interviews, some behind the scenes footage, you know, the usual. But it’s neat that smaller movies are getting in on the goodies act. I wish I had gotten to hear the commentary as I am sure it’s gotta be fun.

All in all this is not a great movie. It’s an ok movie made with a lot of spunk and a lot of glee and on that end it’s a decent rental. They are making a sequel so I am hoping that they learn from their mistakes and that it lives up to its, and their, potential.


6 out of 10 Jackasses

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